The Open Gate.

Every book has to have a few surprises, so I'm keeping book #45 from you. 

You can read about this in the book about 100 books when I publish it at the end of October, deal? I need to have deadlines and gates to pass through to keep me on track of reading 10 books a month and writing 10 chapters a month. 

So to make up for not writing a chapter (now) on Book #45, I give you the story of the open gate.  I'm writing this from my (new) home office, which consists of a yoga mat by a window, and a laptop on a box.  I have a wall to lean on and a windowsill to hold my coffee.  Frogs and birds make obscene noises under a nearby bush while birds swoop down in pairs chasing each other, looking like they are up to Nothing Good. 

This is the opposite of my work office, which isn't for working but for talking to people. It's a dressing room before class to get ready, it's a place to meet students, it's a place books live, but I rarely have the time and peace to buckle down there to write. Here, at home, there is more space, more peace. 

And the refrigerator is steps away. 

The Open Gate

There are two gates leading into our community. 

One says "residents/members" and the other says "visitors" and has a call box with a phone pad that stumps and challenges "visitors" causing them to curse at their passengers and shoot mean texts about how they are now running late.

For about 2 weeks now the "visitors" gate has been open. 

I don't ever use the visitor's gate, but I come and go 5 and 6 times a day so I notice these things. 

Maybe they left it open because the call box is so confusing it is now being used as an initiation test for Mensa.  

Maybe they left it open because the gate itself is broken. No one has explained anything, and there are cameras everywhere so this is safe enough.

Despite the visitors gate being open, I repeatedly chose to take the resident's lane. 

I have a clicker to the special gate. 

I have a window sticker that says I belong here.

I am someone. 

Bless my heart.

Other cars ignore the open gate, too, so four five times a day I joined the line behind the closed gate because its the right gate to use, the one we are entitled to and besides that everyone else with clickers and stickers is going through that one so that's where we belong. 

Bless all our hearts.

Then today I woke up and saw through the madness.

 I was in a hurry(ish) after being stuck in rain and traffic and the idea of getting stuck between two cars that might possibly stick to the 24 mile per hour speedlimit -- or worse, go slower, riding their brakes every inch of the way towards their dream home on a golfcourse --  was torture.  

I swung into the visitor lane and dashed through the gate and passed the line of cars without hitting my brakes a bit. 

 I was free, rebellious, smart and wise.

 What fool would sit in front of a locked gate when there was a straighter, faster, easier path a foot away?

From now on, I'm taking the open gate, and I hope you look for open gates too.

Book #44: The Autobiography of ......

Before I write another word I have another confession. 

I've read book #45 and part of book #46 before settling myself down to write this chapter. Book #45 was delicious (and, for now, a secret) and book #46 is so good I find myself taking notes.   


Book #44, No Easy Day: The Autobiography of a Navy Seal, THE FIRSTHAND ACCOUNT OF THE MISSION THAT KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN by Mark Owen (not his name) with Kevin Mauer.  

Guess what the book is about? You're right. 

It's THAT straightforward. 

When he was young, author read a book about being a Navy Seal, and it made him want to become one. 

Now that he's served and retired, he wants to write a book that will inspire the next generation to be great and to use their talents to serve their country. 

I kept trying to get my son to read this book with me, because I know when he finally sits down to read it he will love it.  

Our conversations went something like....

 ME: "He has RPGs in this book! Come read!"

 Him: "Mom, I use RPGs every day I don't need to read about them"

(He turns back to Call of Duty) 

(I go back to reading and grading)

This book gave me details I couldn't have imagined, and added layers to my understanding of how the the mission ran.  Probably what shocked me the most and stuck with me is the author recalling sitting on the corpse of "Geronimo" on the crowded helicopter that flew them out of Pakistan. 

Because the author took part in an incident that could inspire generations of retribution (or not), he had to keep his identity separate from this book, which really takes the soul out of an autobiography. 

 Anyway, what makes a "great story" is connecting deeply with a character and then watching a character change as the story presents them with situations that make them more open, kinder, meaner, something.

 That never happened in this book. 

 The soldier creates a character of the archetype warrior and speaks from behind that veil and that separation kept me from truly loving this book.

But I did enjoy it, and I will be recommending it to students (and my son!) in the future as long as they know this is an important story but it definitely isn't my favorite soldier-at- war story.

Instead, read that awesome Genghis Khan book that I used to assign in class and now can't remember the title. 

Also, read A Rumor of War and then read We Were Soldiers Once, and Young.

 After that, read Band of Brothers and we can have a chat about all these books. 

Deal?

Dear Mr. Putin

Dear Mr. Putin
 (Moscow)
April 29, 2014

Hola Comrade Putin,

Following the spirit of what I'm trying to figure out might be the Obama Doctrine of cutting people off so that they will talk to you (to be hereby known as the "Shhhhhhification of War") I have decided to have a personal embargo on you. 

From now until I change my mind, you are not allowed to read my blog anymore, and you can't read my books.

 I was thinking of blocking ALL of Russia, but that'd be crazy. 
Russians are nice interesting people, they can stalk me all they want. 

But not you.

No laughing for you, no more stories, no finding out about the rest of my 100 books, no reading about my next trip to Cuba, none of that. Unless I  change my mind. But shhhh, ignore that, but I mean it.

This a big deal. 

I didn't ban Hugo Chavez (when I had the chance, that is) and I haven't banned  either of the Castro brothers, so think about THAT while you get all bored and poor and sad.

Since we all know embargos WORK (example #1 Cuba, example #2 North Korea, example #3 do you really need more examples) I say this is the policy to run with. 

What's the alternative? Go to real all-out war? Please.

 The US has encircled Russia politically, economically, diplomatically and militarily for the past 60 years!

 Any war would be a landslide in our favor, and they we'd have to rebuild you with Starbuskis in every post-WW3 suburb that would bloom across Eurasia fueled by US money, and drawing more allies towards our interests. 

What kind of alternative is THAT?

 Please.


 Adios,
Melissa

Book #43: Looking For Alaska.

Last December my daughter asked for Looking for Alaska for her birthday. 

Awesome. Easy.

I bought it.

She acted happy but then didn’t read it.

Par for course.

Then a student assigns me the book this semester and I recognize the cover. Wait, this is by the guy who wrote The Fault in Our Stars, a heartbreakingly smart romance. Fantastic. 

I start the book in my office hours on Tuesday, 90 minutes before class. 

No students come.  

The phone doesn’t ring. I read, I read, I look at my phone and an hour is gone. 

I’m 100 pages into the book and I love these characters.

 I want the narrator of this book to go meet the guy from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. They would be good friends. 

I stop long enough to lecture on the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the “revolutions of 1989”, Operation Desert Storm and the collapse of the Soviet Union (the USSR became the USS “were” – get it???). I read the book in the hour between picking up this kid and then the other, then dash through Publix in record time so I can finish the book before dinner.

 I want to finish it, but I don’t. But I can’t help myself. I love this book.

Something big is going to happen; you know that from page one because the first part of the book is a countdown to the DAY.

 When that something does happen I’m not ready. I was really shocked and sad and I can’t tell you any more because I’m absolutely sure you’re going to read this book and love it, I refuse to spoil it.  Here’s the best I can do without giving it all away.

This is a story about loving someone you know shouldn’t but you just love them because you just can’t help it, you’re just built that way and it feels right.  It’s a story of honesty and friendship and loving with no regrets.

One more thing. This isn’t just a story about love at a boarding school in Alabama. It’s a story about life and loss and the consequences of driving impaired. If you have teenagers, you should give them this book before they get their driver’s license.

Book #41 which is Also Book #42. All the questions and answers in the universe.

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: 5 Novels in One Outrageous Volume. Douglas Adams.

Before I go on and on let me be clear. I liked this astoundingly creative and inspired book a lot. Also, by reading it I felt initiated into a circle of smarty-pants who finds this philosophical smart funny stuff funny. 

Seriously though, 5 books of the series all in one volume were a little hellacious. One book yes. Two books, yayy. By the third book I was numb.

It felt like being forced to eat a whole big container of popcorn when you had enough after two handfuls.

 I like this book but not so much that I couldn’t put it down.

 So much was happening. Earth is destroyed; no it isn’t; we find out who created the Earth and why and that’s just 3 of the 1000 stories that dance psychedelically across the pages.   I have another analogy. 

At times I felt like the sober person stuck in a room with a blabbering tripping high-as-a-kite person whose ability to hold my attention waxes and wanes. 

So that’s why I’m counting this book as 2 books.

 Besides that it’s poetic for this book to land on #42 because. 

Because you know the answer if you read the book. I can’t explain it. If I tried you’d just shake your head and wince a little and maybe never read this book. You should read this book. But not all at once like I'm doing it.

500 pages into the book and I can’t read another page.

I  move the dining room from the kitchen to the formal dining room that I’d been using for an office. I disassemble and move and reassemble and sweep and mop and throw things away.

 I moved all the other furniture in the living room around, cleaned the refrigerator, and cooked dinner.

 After that I spent many hours HOLDING the book while watching Orphan Black, Kitchen Nightmares, Devious Maids, Nurse Jackie on On Demand.

I'm up for doing anything but opening up and reading the book up.

So I carry it here and there and read a few pages and a few more and make it to page 550.

A student comes by my office and asks how the book is going.

I’m stuck. I want to care but these characters are faceless to me, they’re scurrying across time and space and I’m hoping one of them explodes soon. Or something happens. Because there’s too much but then there’s nothing, it’s chaos.

He nods. What part of the book are you on?

I start to answer then…. I can’t. I’d have to have the book in front of me to know.  I passed the mice, the whale thing, the towel part and Marvin the robot just did a bad thing.

He nods. Keep reading. (My students are #awesome that way).

I keep reading and when I finish the book(s) and feel like I tackled something big.

 This is a great book and if you want a big fat book to keep you busy for a month (or a long long weekend) you won’t regret taking this book with you because you can put it down, pick it up, put it down.

 And it doesn’t make you cry. That’s a bonus.  Other books I’ve read have held me so rapt that I wanted to scream at anyone interrupting my journey through the story. 

I cried through the last 10 pages of The Book Thief. 

I sobbed in my daughter’s arms after finishing the Fault in Our Stars. 

I read parts of Unwind to people and quoted Tina Fey for days.

 I cried 10 times during The Shack -- silent, hot tears of grief and joy.

I loved those books, and most of the other books I’ve read because they moved me.

I liked this book.

Book #41 which is Also Book 42. All the questions and answers in the universe.

Before I go on and on let me be clear. I liked this astoundingly creative and inspired book a lot. Also, by reading it I felt initiated into a circle of smarty-pants who finds this philosophical smart funny stuff funny. 

Seriously though, 5 books of the series all in one volume were a little hellacious. It felt like being forced to eat a whole big container of popcorn when you had enough after two handfuls. I liked it but not so much of it that I couldn’t put it down. So much was happening (Earth is destroyed; no it isn’t; we find out who created the Earth and why and that’s just 3 of the 1000 stories that dance psychedelically across the pages.  Wait, I have another analogy. At times I felt like the sober person stuck in a room with a blabbering tripping person whose stories’ ability to hold my attention waxes and wanes. So that’s why I’m counting this book as 2 books. Besides that it’s poetic for this book to land on #42 because. Because you know the answer if you read the book. I can’t explain it. If I tried you’d just shake your head and wince a little.

500 pages into the book and I can’t read another page.

I decide right then and there to move the dining room from the kitchen to the formal dining room that I’d been using for an office. I disassemble and move and reassemble and sweep and mop and throw things away.

Then I moved all the other furniture in the living room around, cleaned the refrigerator, and cooked dinner. After that I spent many hours HOLDING the book while watching Orphan Black, Kitchen Nightmares, Devious Maids, Nurse Jackie on On Demand.

I just don’t want to open the book up. I just don’t. So I carry it here and there and read a few pages and a few more and make it to page 550.

A student comes by my office and asks how the book is going.

I’m stuck, I say. I want to care but these characters are faceless to me, they’re scurrying across time and space and I’m hoping one of them explodes soon. Or something happens. Because there’s too much but then there’s nothing, it’s chaos.

He nods. What part of the book are you on?

I start to answer then…. I can’t. I’d have to have the book in front of me to know.  I passed the mice, the whale thing, the towel part and Marvin the robot just did a bad thing.

He nods. Keep reading.

I do.

I finish the book and feel like I tackled something big. This is a great book and if you want a big fat book to keep you busy for a month (or a long long weekend) you won’t regret taking this book with you because you can put it down, pick it up, put it down. And it doesn’t make you cry. That’s a bonus.  Other books I’ve read have held me so rapt that I wanted to scream at anyone interrupting my journey through the story.  I cried through the last 10 pages of The Book Thief. I sobbed in my daughter’s arms after finishing the Fault in Our Stars. I read parts of Unwind to people and quoted Tina Fey for days. I cried 10 times during The Shack -- silent, hot tears of grief and joy.

I loved those books, and most of the other books I’ve read because they moved me.

I liked this book.

Now that I’m done I don’t want to write anything (and OH the grading I have to do, and the file moving stuff for an online mandate and that kind of fun) I want a book to love. 

Book #41 which is Also Book #42. All the questions and answers in the universe.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

Before I go on and on let me be clear. I liked this astoundingly creative and inspired book a lot. Also, by reading it I felt initiated into a circle of smarty-pants who finds this philosophical smart funny stuff funny. 

Seriously though, 5 books of the series all in one volume were a little hellacious. 

It felt like being forced to eat a whole big container of popcorn when you had enough after two handfuls. I liked it but not so much of it that I couldn’t put it down. So much was happening (Earth is destroyed; no it isn’t; we find out who created the Earth and why and that’s just 3 of the 1000 stories that dance psychedelically across the pages.  Wait, I have another analogy. At times I felt like the sober person stuck in a room with a blabbering tripping person whose stories’ ability to hold my attention waxes and wanes. So that’s why I’m counting this book as 2 books. Besides that it’s poetic for this book to land on #42 because. Because you know the answer if you read the book. I can’t explain it. If I tried you’d just shake your head and wince a little.

500 pages into the book and I can’t read another page.

I decide right then and there to move the dining room from the kitchen to the formal dining room that I’d been using for an office. I disassemble and move and reassemble and sweep and mop and throw things away.

Then I moved all the other furniture in the living room around, cleaned the refrigerator, and cooked dinner. After that I spent many hours HOLDING the book while watching Orphan Black, Kitchen Nightmares, Devious Maids, Nurse Jackie on On Demand.

I just don’t want to open the book up. I just don’t. So I carry it here and there and read a few pages and a few more and make it to page 550.

A student comes by my office and asks how the book is going.

I’m stuck, I say. I want to care but these characters are faceless to me, they’re scurrying across time and space and I’m hoping one of them explodes soon. Or something happens. Because there’s too much but then there’s nothing, it’s chaos.

He nods. What part of the book are you on?

I start to answer then…. I can’t. I’d have to have the book in front of me to know.  I passed the mice, the whale thing, the towel part and Marvin the robot just did a bad thing.

He nods. Keep reading.

I do.

I finish the book and feel like I tackled something big. This is a great book and if you want a big fat book to keep you busy for a month (or a long long weekend) you won’t regret taking this book with you because you can put it down, pick it up, put it down. And it doesn’t make you cry. That’s a bonus.  Other books I’ve read have held me so rapt that I wanted to scream at anyone interrupting my journey through the story.  I cried through the last 10 pages of The Book Thief. I sobbed in my daughter’s arms after finishing the Fault in Our Stars. I read parts of Unwind to people and quoted Tina Fey for days. I cried 10 times during The Shack -- silent, hot tears of grief and joy.

I loved those books, and most of the other books I’ve read because they moved me.

I liked this book.

Now that I’m done I don’t want to write anything (and OH the grading I have to do, and the file moving stuff for an online mandate and that kind of fun) I want a book to love.