He sings "Clean clean my toilet mom please come clean my toilet mom!"
waving the bottle of toilet cleaner he'd seen on TV while I hunt for
my earring, wondering if he is confusing me with Snow White.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Our Lady of the Ceiling Crack
A few days ago I woke up to a miraculous surprise.
The wonderous Universe -- the same one that cooked a picture of the Virgin Mother on a grilled cheese sandwich and the baked the face of Mother Theresa on a sticky bun --- has painted a Georgia O'Keefe fresco on my ceiling.
Glorious.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Facebook in the Sky
So I admit it, instead of getting right to "writing" I spent a little while dipping my toes in the cold water of the computer, letting my fingers and eyes warm up to the screen and keyboard.
It isn't that I don't feel like writing, its that I'm writing a funny book about grief in which hundreds of people pass through but three leave empty chairs.
So I confess (publicly before Zoe can tell you) I've spent more time at Target and more time watching MTV than I've spent writing this week, and the new Jersey Shore hasn't even started yet.
I tell you this (finally? or did you already know?) so you can understand I give myself a few minutes to shift my attention and heart into a writing place because I'm writing about people who've jumped into the sky.
So I go through my usual sites - CNN.com, Perezhilton.com then email, then Postsecret, then Facebook.
On the Facebook home page every day it suggests new friends to connect with based on mutual friends, then also suggests it suggests a name of a friend who hasn't been too active on Facebook.
Today, it suggests I get in touch with Carol Strickland, "say hello, Write on her Wall."
Really, it was her, like she's still around on earth able to check Facebook on the iPhone that dangled from her belt every day while she sat in my classes translating lecture into sign language.
I miss her so much still, the grief is so raw, that just seeing her pop up so nonchalantly brings tears to my eyes.
I stare at her in the last profile picture she chose for herself, wielding some awesomely deadly weapon, inspired by her no-excuses blackbelt life and her marathon -runner momentum.
I bet they do use Facebook in the sky, I think, logging off the internet and getting back to my Manuscript, warmed with gratitude and laughing.
Hello, Carol*
It isn't that I don't feel like writing, its that I'm writing a funny book about grief in which hundreds of people pass through but three leave empty chairs.
So I confess (publicly before Zoe can tell you) I've spent more time at Target and more time watching MTV than I've spent writing this week, and the new Jersey Shore hasn't even started yet.
I tell you this (finally? or did you already know?) so you can understand I give myself a few minutes to shift my attention and heart into a writing place because I'm writing about people who've jumped into the sky.
So I go through my usual sites - CNN.com, Perezhilton.com then email, then Postsecret, then Facebook.
On the Facebook home page every day it suggests new friends to connect with based on mutual friends, then also suggests it suggests a name of a friend who hasn't been too active on Facebook.
Today, it suggests I get in touch with Carol Strickland, "say hello, Write on her Wall."
Really, it was her, like she's still around on earth able to check Facebook on the iPhone that dangled from her belt every day while she sat in my classes translating lecture into sign language.
I miss her so much still, the grief is so raw, that just seeing her pop up so nonchalantly brings tears to my eyes.
I bet they do use Facebook in the sky, I think, logging off the internet and getting back to my Manuscript, warmed with gratitude and laughing.
Hello, Carol*
Friday, July 16, 2010
Date Night: One Wish
Cuddling under a red blanket on the sofa with circles under his eyes,
Zack chatters multiple choice questions at me.
Zack chatters multiple choice questions at me.
"If you had one wish would you wish for no burglars? Or for me? Or for
no burglars AND me?"
"All of the above," I answer, the most words I've gotten in with him
in over thirty minutes of nonstop interrogation.
Zack lifts himself up, raises his eyebrows and pats me on the head
like a proud uncle.
"Good answer. I would wish for Africa to have food and peace" he
proclaims, then leaves me alone to write while he fiddles
unsuccessfully with my Shake Weight.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Camp Mommy and the CosmoGirl Panties Project
It is the last day of summer school, and I am writing, thinking, cleaning and untangling the kids from under and over and around me (constantly).
Yesterday I created a new writing shrine, sure that it would compel me to sit, stay, pray, edit. ( So far, not much, at least not what I'm supposed to write.)
At 11am after dealing with emails and exams and voicemails and waffles and frog-admiring, I take the kids to Target.
Figuring summer camp would be $300 a week that I'm not spending because I'm at home with the kids, I don't feel bad indulging them in little shopping sprees like this.
Zack gets a Pixos maker.
I get a ShakeWeight and a candle that smells like bleach.
Zoe takes herself happily to lunch at Subway.
Once the kids are happily detained and I've moved around enough words to call it "writing" I start my afternoon exercise routine of putting on high heels and picking up of toy cars and flip flops and books and socks, intermittently twirling around to a song on Pandora.
Under the couch I find a bat, flip flops and batteries.
From the coffee table I harvest a coffeemug and carry it to the kitchen.
I pick up the four yellow clay Minions that Zack left for me on the kitchen counter, move them to the windowsill, then do dishes, load the dishwasher and answer three more "panicked last day of Summer School" emails.
After that I tackle the pile of art supplies and books that have accumulated since breakfast on the kitchen table. The crayons go in the trashcan, the paper goes back into the stack, and the library books go that bag in my car.
On my way to deliver Zoe's library book to it's rightful place, Cosmo Girl! Make it Yourself! (Hearst Communications, 2007) grabs my attention. I stop in the middle of the living room (still blissfully ignored by the campers at Camp Mommy) and indulge myself in a silent guilty flip through the projects we haven't done during this summer where we have overslept and undercrafted.
Bright pictures of Cosmo Girls making Cosmo Crafts pull me into the small book, and I read through instructions to make polka-dot makeup bag, decorated ballet flats, leave-in conditioner (1/2 cup liquid fabric softener, 1 cup water, spray bottle), fizzy bath bombs, a ribbon front halter, and boys-of-the-week panties.
That's right, boys-of-the-week panties.
On page #18 there are instructions on how to rip up seven pairs of panties, sew them back together with satin ribbons and dangling charms, and decorate them as following:
"Pick seven guys' names. Chose an M name for Monday (Mike), a T name for Tuesday (Tom), etc. Write one name in silver fabric paint across the front center of each pair of panties. Let dry 2 hours."At that, I put the book away library books, and danced back into the living room, feeling like writing again.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tooth Fairy, Be Warned
Tooth Fairy,
Zoe woke up and was incredibly disappointed to find only $3.
And also she thinks you took the money from her July 4 tooth-loss and
gave it to her again.
Whatever you did just know that $3 " buys her nothing at Starbucks,"
and she's a bit grumpy. I told her I'd lend her $2.
You're welcome, again, but listen --(( I need to know you know I'm
serious) PLEASE stop hiding teeth in my bra. That is not a secure,
tooth fairy approved location, and it's awkward when they fall out.
Peace*
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
If You Love Something.... (A Frog's Tale)
Today each of the kids had $5 to spend at Target.
Zoe bought herself a tall cup of Starbucks.
Zack couldn't find anything "in his price range" so I dragged him to get the rest of the stuff on my list (trashbags that aren't crappy; honey; k-cups; bananas...).
As we turned from the water aisle and pass the cheap chip section, Zoe stops short in front of the cart, saving a life (temporarily) -- " Stop! Look! A frog!"
Zack throws himself on it, both called and carried by a ball of puppy dog enthusiastic love he feels for all living things. "Can we keeeep it? And call it George? And please can I have it and put it in a ..."
"Yes." I interrupt his needless begging. "Yes, get George, come on," I beckon him to follow me past the wine, towards the honey
"Yip-Hoo," he shouts, clicks his heels, loses George who makes a heroic leap towards the cream corn, then reclaims him. "Come here guy, I LOVE YOU!"
For the next hour Zack carries George cupped in his hands through Target, then through the grocery, chatting away at his captive happily and unselfconsciously.
While I pause to consider Triscuits (are they worth $3.50 or wait until they are buy-one-get-one-free? are they a necessary food group? do I really need them? is there cheese at home? can I please have a can of spray cheese just his once? how much is the spray cheese? $3.99, sigh, absolutely not, but I'm PMSing just this once please? NO... ), a rack of overpriced overmarketed underquality plastic toys catches Zack's attention.
"Mom, do I still have $5?"
I put down the Triscuits, turn away from the spray cheese, reach in my pocket and pull it out to show him.
"Good, I need to buy this turtle for George, so he will know I love him..." He plops an overpriced bauble into the cart.
I stop there, (hugging a box of Wheat Thins, wondering if there is cream cheese at home...) and consider whether to pop Zack's happy love bubble and ask him if he really meant what he'd said.
He doesn't notice me, all of his attention on narrating to George the joys of marshmallows and the many sub-species of goldfish (by size, by color, by flavor, sorted like wines).
I really have to know, so I put the Wheat Thins down, skip all crackers for the week, and catch up to him. "Zack, are you buying this turtle as some show of love for the frog? or is it for yourself?"
"Myself," he whispers, "but I'll pretend it's for George."
I wink back in complicity, deciding not to untangle his ethics as we pass pickles, salad dressings, olive oil and salt (which I later realize I forget to buy. Again).
Later, while I unpack frozen pizzas and Trix yogurt, Zoe and Zack join George the frog in some Roman Bath ritual celebrating the initiation of a frog into the family.
In silence (more accurately: ignoring their pleas for me to SEE THIS and EEEEK MOM and my favorite A TOWEL A TOWEL A TOWEL), while wiping down the counters, brushing lunch crumbs into the sink, I thank the universe that the best things in life are free.
(except for George the frog, who is in captivity)
Zoe bought herself a tall cup of Starbucks.
Zack couldn't find anything "in his price range" so I dragged him to get the rest of the stuff on my list (trashbags that aren't crappy; honey; k-cups; bananas...).
As we turned from the water aisle and pass the cheap chip section, Zoe stops short in front of the cart, saving a life (temporarily) -- " Stop! Look! A frog!"
Zack throws himself on it, both called and carried by a ball of puppy dog enthusiastic love he feels for all living things. "Can we keeeep it? And call it George? And please can I have it and put it in a ..."
"Yes." I interrupt his needless begging. "Yes, get George, come on," I beckon him to follow me past the wine, towards the honey
"Yip-Hoo," he shouts, clicks his heels, loses George who makes a heroic leap towards the cream corn, then reclaims him. "Come here guy, I LOVE YOU!"
For the next hour Zack carries George cupped in his hands through Target, then through the grocery, chatting away at his captive happily and unselfconsciously.
While I pause to consider Triscuits (are they worth $3.50 or wait until they are buy-one-get-one-free? are they a necessary food group? do I really need them? is there cheese at home? can I please have a can of spray cheese just his once? how much is the spray cheese? $3.99, sigh, absolutely not, but I'm PMSing just this once please? NO... ), a rack of overpriced overmarketed underquality plastic toys catches Zack's attention.
"Mom, do I still have $5?"
I put down the Triscuits, turn away from the spray cheese, reach in my pocket and pull it out to show him.
"Good, I need to buy this turtle for George, so he will know I love him..." He plops an overpriced bauble into the cart.
I stop there, (hugging a box of Wheat Thins, wondering if there is cream cheese at home...) and consider whether to pop Zack's happy love bubble and ask him if he really meant what he'd said.
He doesn't notice me, all of his attention on narrating to George the joys of marshmallows and the many sub-species of goldfish (by size, by color, by flavor, sorted like wines).
I really have to know, so I put the Wheat Thins down, skip all crackers for the week, and catch up to him. "Zack, are you buying this turtle as some show of love for the frog? or is it for yourself?"
"Myself," he whispers, "but I'll pretend it's for George."
I wink back in complicity, deciding not to untangle his ethics as we pass pickles, salad dressings, olive oil and salt (which I later realize I forget to buy. Again).
Later, while I unpack frozen pizzas and Trix yogurt, Zoe and Zack join George the frog in some Roman Bath ritual celebrating the initiation of a frog into the family.
In silence (more accurately: ignoring their pleas for me to SEE THIS and EEEEK MOM and my favorite A TOWEL A TOWEL A TOWEL), while wiping down the counters, brushing lunch crumbs into the sink, I thank the universe that the best things in life are free.
(except for George the frog, who is in captivity)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Chocolate Chip Cure
Zack stands in front of me, frowning.
"What's up? Do you need to go to the bathroom?" I ask concerned enough by the way he was holding his stomach to put my novel down.
He shakes his head. "No, it feels like I'm getting my period."
I get him a handful of chocolate chips from my super secret stash, then we cuddle and watch last nights shows from the Lifetime Channel.
Soon enough, he is cured, and - after sneaking more chocolate chips - I go back to my novel.
"What's up? Do you need to go to the bathroom?" I ask concerned enough by the way he was holding his stomach to put my novel down.
He shakes his head. "No, it feels like I'm getting my period."
I get him a handful of chocolate chips from my super secret stash, then we cuddle and watch last nights shows from the Lifetime Channel.
Soon enough, he is cured, and - after sneaking more chocolate chips - I go back to my novel.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Book Review: Because She Can by Bridie Clark
Set "The Devil Wears Prada"in the publishing industry and you have "Because She Can," a sharp and witty romp through New York, the Hamptons and the angst of all the major life decisions that come with achieving mid-to-late 20s status in America.
Good enough to pass on to a friend who is headed to a beach, then later on ask her to buy you at least two margaritas and you know she'd have to say yes because the book was so good.
Book Review: Storyville by Lois Battle
Take a trip to Storyville, a time and place in New Orleans history!
Beautifully researched, highly detailed, delighful.
A great summer read*
Book Review: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Why had I never heard of this book? Nevermind, I guess it arrived at the perfect time in my journey.
This wisdom fable reminds me of "Illusions" by Richard Bach and "Celestine Prophecy" -- I loved them both, and I loved this too.
When I'm rolling in $$$, this will be a book I would give to friends and students.
It's that good.
It's that important.
So, until then, I hope a copy of this book finds its way to you *
Book Review: Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult
Thank you, Jodi Picoult. I expected your usually enticing heart-wrenching narrative, and you didn't let me down.
When I finished this book I sat still for awhile, unwilling to leave the characters that Jodi Picoult lead me to love.
I hugged this book and passed it on to my Mom.
Book Review: That's Amore by Wendy Markham
I am so thankful a friend passed this delightful and just slightly magical book to me.
Because I'd never heard of Wendy Markham I kept sticking this book on the bottom of my book-pile, mostly expecting it to be another "single woman wants to get married and can't find anyone until BAM she finds him and WOW they get married and all their friends love each other and the end" book.
Forgive me, Wendy Markham, I underestimated you.
This book reads like a twelve hour movie (think: When Harry Met Sally with a little... *more*), so stock up on popcorn and poptarts before curling up for what I promise will be a delightful romp of a story.
Book Review: Mrs. Kimble by Jennifer Haigh
This is a smart and delightfully woven tale of family, courage, honestly, poverty and optimism told by a brilliant writer.
Book Review: Sugar Queen by Sarh Addison Allen
It wasn't a mystery, but I couldn't put it down.
Magical.
Lyrical.
Sweet, southern and enchanting.
When I finished this book, I hugged it and carried it around for a few days.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Afghanistan Song: The Next George Clooney Movie
"The general's staff is a handpicked collection of killers, spies, geniuses, patriots, political operators and outright maniacs. There's a former head of British Special Forces, two Navy Seals, an Afghan Special Forces commando, a lawyer, two fighter pilots and at least two dozen combat veterans and counterinsurgency experts....By midnight at Kitty O'Shea's, much of Team America is completely shitfaced. Two officers do an Irish jig mixed with steps from a traditional Afghan wedding dance, while McChrystal's top advisers lock arms and sing a slurred song of their own invention.
"Afghanistan!" they bellow. "Afghanistan!" They call it their Afghanistan song.
McChrystal steps away from the circle, observing his team. "All these men," he tells me. "I'd die for them. And they'd die for me." (Rollingstone.com)
That's enough, I don't need to read any m0re, I want to see this all unfold in a movie (Hello Trey Parker?).
I see George Clooney in the corner, singing into a shoe.
Matt Damon and Ed Norton are sprawled somewhere bragging.
This is going to make a very very good movie.
And I thought the only good Rolling Stone-related movie was "Almost Famous."
Obama-McChrystal
As America waits for an announcement after the McChrystal Obama talk,
I am thankful to not be called to be a journalist in this lifetime.
I am thankful to not be called to be a journalist in this lifetime.
I can't imagine spending weeks with military command watching,
listening, building confidences, then telling a story that sows or
shows conflict, disrespect or discord. Even if the story needed to be
told.
I bet if I'd been there, my story wouldve been about moments of
kindness, courage, and service.
Meanwhile, I'm glued to CNN...
Dream Man, con't
We are lazing on the sofa planning another summer day.
Can we still get paint?
Sure, I tell him. I imagine Zoe Zack and myself outside with lots of
towels and rags, painting a birdhouse or something along those lines.
Bear! He proclaims.
You want to paint a bear?
No, I want BEAR.
You want bear, I repeat, continuing, that doesn't make sense, that's
not grammatically correct...
Buckets of bear! He explains. Lets buy buckets of paint and rollers...
Oh. You have a preferred BRAND of paint. I'm impressed. That'll get
you places. I can't afford that now, I've budgeted $10 for all the
paints. You still on board anyway.
He crosses his arms and nodds his head, building and painting
imaginary houses for us.
Monday, June 21, 2010
My Dream Man
....Zack elbows by where I am huddled up writing.
He grabs a piece of paper, pushes by again declaring, "I've got some
fly killing to do..."
Last week he discovered Norm Abrams and offered to build furniture and
shelves (and a car? Out of wood?) for me.
Such love...
Friday, June 18, 2010
Anonymous Quote
From Camp Mommy, running 24/7, all summer, in my life*
"I've never been happy in my life. And it's all your fault."
I ask, can I write that?
And I sneak away, and do.
Happy Camping*
"I've never been happy in my life. And it's all your fault."
I ask, can I write that?
And I sneak away, and do.
Happy Camping*
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Kamikaze Daredevil Procrastinating Web Students
Here is a screenshot of my gradebook on Blackboard for a Web class.
The exam closes on Saturday, and less than 1/3 of the students have taken it.
This is the scariest part of teaching online.
The exam closes on Saturday, and less than 1/3 of the students have taken it.
This is the scariest part of teaching online.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Revealed: The Pregnancy Scare of 2010
Zack lays next to me on the sofa, moaning.
"What's wrong little guy," I ask, patting and rubbing his bony back through his oversized shirt.
Zoe is on my other side.
"Mom you smell like triscuits...in a good way."
I thank her, kiss her on top of her head.
"Ohhh" he moans again.
Zoe leans across me and asks him, "are you having a baby? Are you pregnant?"
He snaps at his sister, "No I'm NOT. I haven't even had sex yet."
She nods in agreement.
I choke down my laugh, get up from between them and sneak more triscuits.
"What's wrong little guy," I ask, patting and rubbing his bony back through his oversized shirt.
Zoe is on my other side.
"Mom you smell like triscuits...in a good way."
I thank her, kiss her on top of her head.
"Ohhh" he moans again.
Zoe leans across me and asks him, "are you having a baby? Are you pregnant?"
He snaps at his sister, "No I'm NOT. I haven't even had sex yet."
She nods in agreement.
I choke down my laugh, get up from between them and sneak more triscuits.
I was wrong. Twice. (Chikfila and Karate Kid)
Today was a day of errands and dragging the kids around. By 4pm they were starving so I broke my "no eating out on weekdays" rule and went to the Chikfila in the mall before seeing Karate Kid.
I ordered their new spicy chicken sandwich.
It was spicy.
Yep. Spicy.
That's all I have to say about that.
Which is disappointing because Chikfila is so good at being good. Their lemonade is -- perfect.
Their sandwiches and fries are always crispy, hot, perfect. (Except on Sundays)
Even their Chikfila sauce is an amazing little tub of wonderful.
So I expected the spicy chicken sandwich to be special, I expected to love it.
I was wrong.
After dinner I took the kids to see Karate Kid in the mall.
We were the first ones there in the biggest theatre of the complex, and settled in the top back row.
I didn't expect to like it. I had three books packed, and planned to daydream or mentally write, or otherwise distract myself during the predictable kids movie.
I was wrong, again.
Halfway through the movie I started writing fan mail to Will and Jada Smith thanking them for their son (who my son was sure was a girl for the first hour of the movie) and thanking them for making this delicious movie, for the casting, the writing, the cinematography.
The story line -- even if you know it -- unfolded at a masterful pace. Even though most of us knew how it was going to end, the audience laughed, cheered, clapped and jeered. It held my attention for the entire 2+hours, and was well worth the ticket price.
I didn't want to love this movie, I didn't even want to like it.
I was wrong.
For the second time in one day.
Wow. Now go see the movie!
I ordered their new spicy chicken sandwich.
It was spicy.
Yep. Spicy.
That's all I have to say about that.
Which is disappointing because Chikfila is so good at being good. Their lemonade is -- perfect.
Their sandwiches and fries are always crispy, hot, perfect. (Except on Sundays)
Even their Chikfila sauce is an amazing little tub of wonderful.
So I expected the spicy chicken sandwich to be special, I expected to love it.
I was wrong.
After dinner I took the kids to see Karate Kid in the mall.
We were the first ones there in the biggest theatre of the complex, and settled in the top back row.
I didn't expect to like it. I had three books packed, and planned to daydream or mentally write, or otherwise distract myself during the predictable kids movie.
I was wrong, again.
Halfway through the movie I started writing fan mail to Will and Jada Smith thanking them for their son (who my son was sure was a girl for the first hour of the movie) and thanking them for making this delicious movie, for the casting, the writing, the cinematography.
The story line -- even if you know it -- unfolded at a masterful pace. Even though most of us knew how it was going to end, the audience laughed, cheered, clapped and jeered. It held my attention for the entire 2+hours, and was well worth the ticket price.
I didn't want to love this movie, I didn't even want to like it.
I was wrong.
For the second time in one day.
Wow. Now go see the movie!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Helpful
Around noon I finish writing Marvin's Book, send it to my agent and
finally
pay attention to the kids.
finally
pay attention to the kids.
We decide to see Shrek 4 at 2:00.
Zoe is ready by 1, Zack soon after.
I think I'm ready to go, wearing a new dress that I accidentally
bought a size too large.
The neckline droops. The arms look flappy. I feel bad not giving it
one good shot at walking out the door.
As i sesrch for keys, Zoe takes one look at me, shakes her head and
proclaims, "No. Too....medieval."
I look down and see it too.
Daughters can be helpful.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Waiting at the Door for Carol
*again, from Marvin's Book. "Reprinted with Author's permission, lol"
Waiting at the Door for Carol
I never start without her. She is always early. Today it is time, she isn’t here.
I can’t start late, but I can’t lecture to everyone except my deaf students – the slides I use are all pictures, they’d be lost without the story.
I ask the class permission for five more minutes and they sit still while I go out the lecture hall’s back door and stand at the glass door entrance to the building.
This was the third semester I”d had her in my classroom, she was never late.
How long should I wait?
When she appeared I hugged her while racing her into the room.
Don’t ever be late.
You gave me a Marvin scare.
Nothing will happen to me, she said as she took of her jacket and settled into that day’s war.
I absolutely believed her.
Point Your Guns at Carol
*from Marvin's Book: The Story of a Professor and a Promise.
Point Your Guns at Carol
One way – just one, of course – to teach the Cold War concept of “containment” is to pretend your translator is the Soviet Union.
Now, move the classroom furniture around and surround the translator, shouting “Don’t expand!!! NOOO!!” while pointing overhead projectors and finger guns at him or her.
Then, while you are acting all crazy, shoutout, “who wants some money?” to your wide-eyed class.
If they say yes (and believe me, they’ll say yes, especially the ones who are never in class and are so lost they aren’t even taking notes) tell them to point their “finger guns” at your translator if they are your real allies.
Believe it or not, a few students will make guns.
Usually a guy in the back stands up, finally ready to be called to action.
Usually a guy in the back stands up, finally ready to be called to action.
While they are laughing at the translator translating the entire scenario, race around the room all panicked saying something like
“Contain her! Contain her! POINT YOUR GUNS AT CAROL SHE’S COMMUNISM AND SHE’S SPREADING LIKE SMALLPOX!! We will go to WAR to STOP WAR There will BE NO MORE WAR now KEEP POINTING YOUR GUNS AT CAROL”
Usually, at this point, your students will decide they might like the Cold War.
Your translator will probably a little traumatized, though.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
My Miriam, in Cuba.
If Miriam were alive
(she is not)
She would not notice and suffer today
(like we do)
and remember the day, the awful day
(They took her. No. We let her go.)
If she had lived
(but she did not, she could not)
I think she would love my 5" high shoes with roses
(which I think she does)
And I would make her laugh
(which I do).
And I think, no I am sure
(she smelled of gardenias and wore white)
she would be dancing
(she is, in Cuba).
(she is not)
She would not notice and suffer today
(like we do)
and remember the day, the awful day
(They took her. No. We let her go.)
If she had lived
(but she did not, she could not)
I think she would love my 5" high shoes with roses
(which I think she does)
And I would make her laugh
(which I do).
And I think, no I am sure
(she smelled of gardenias and wore white)
she would be dancing
(she is, in Cuba).
Sunday, May 9, 2010
White Carnation Mother's Day
Happy Day!
In Cuba on Mothers Day, women wear a red carnation if their mother
is alive, and a white carnation if their mother is dead.
This morning Abuelo gave my mom a hug and a white carnation.
When she told me this, I laughed until I forgot no one cooked me
breakfast around here.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
8 Balls and Handcuffs
They come back wired and happy from an afternoon with their dad.
Zoe shows off her new totally unnecessary (soon to be ignored) Magic 8 Ball.
Zack flashes his new gun and handcuffs which "really lock, for real Mom, they LOCK with keys, isn't this cool?"
I don't tell him what I really think of the toys, but smile with relief at their distraction and get back to grading.
About twenty essays later, I pause to hunt for a fresh a pen. (This is a sport of mine)
In the living room I pass Zoe, hands behind her back, Zack ignoring her half-laughing please for help.
Then he stands over her like a mad jailer, takes her new toy, shakes it and asks, "Magic 8 Ball, will she ever be released from the handcuffs?"
Zoe screamed in protest, and I dashed back to grading final exams.
Zoe shows off her new totally unnecessary (soon to be ignored) Magic 8 Ball.
Zack flashes his new gun and handcuffs which "really lock, for real Mom, they LOCK with keys, isn't this cool?"
I don't tell him what I really think of the toys, but smile with relief at their distraction and get back to grading.
About twenty essays later, I pause to hunt for a fresh a pen. (This is a sport of mine)
In the living room I pass Zoe, hands behind her back, Zack ignoring her half-laughing please for help.
Then he stands over her like a mad jailer, takes her new toy, shakes it and asks, "Magic 8 Ball, will she ever be released from the handcuffs?"
Zoe screamed in protest, and I dashed back to grading final exams.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Home Cooking
stupor. "The oven is overflowing."
Thursday, April 29, 2010
She is odd, a little off, kind of childish, and an extremist. She breaks the definition of a typical professor. This class is definitely an easy ‘A’, you just have to sit there and do nothing; in fact don’t even go to class. My advice to you is to forget all typical classroom rules and you will be just fine. Dr. Soldani was raised in a nunnery and is very sensitive to profane language and usually walks around with ear muffs to block out all the profanity around her. She considers ass, hell, stupid, jerk, and damn as bad words and she will scream at the top of her lungs “God forgive them” if you do happen to slip.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Make a Little Difference (L*P)
Many of us have had a certain connection with a soldier whether it was a family member, friend, or acquaintance. I have never met or have known of one until my enrollment in AMH 1041 with Dr.Soldani.
On January 28, 2010 Dr.Soldani gave us an opportunity to do a service project that involved buying soldiers some very useful and practical items. This was a project I had never heard of but it really felt good to be able to be doing for someone that was doing way more for me, my country, and saving the peace for future Americans.
It was important to buy the soldiers necessary items that they would value. We had the choice of sending two boxes, one in the beginning and the other at end of the semester. We also had to write them a letter and mail it within the box showing them our gratitude and support.
This project was not only going to benefit and perhaps alleviate a group of soldiers’ lives for a while but it thankfully affected mine too.
First of all, we had to pick between sending to a hospital or Camp Alamo, which was where some of the soldiers were stationed. We then had to buy useful and necessary items we thought the soldiers would not only enjoy but also appreciate.
In my First box I decided to send the soldiers razors, Caramel cookies, cards, anti bacterial gel, deodorant, gum, bars or Irish Spring soap, socks and some mixed candies. I knew that they would appreciate more the bars of soap, socks, deodorant, and anti bacterial gel but they would definitely enjoy the rest. To me it really didn’t matter how much I was spending because it really couldn’t compare to what they were doing for me. I tried to accommodate all of the repeated items so that I could fit everything nicely that way they could enjoy more things.
In the second box, I got similar things but added boxes of Cracker Jacks and some packs of Twinkies. Both of my boxes were filled to the top but all I hoped for was that the soldiers would benefit from them emotionally and that their cravings for common snacks and comfort would be met.
The next part of our service project was adding a letter of gratefulness, a story of a vet in our family or that of one of one in our classes. I chose to write a letter thanking them for what they do each day not only because I have never met a soldier but I felt that they would be better honored if I expressed my immediate gratitude.
In my letter I mentioned not knowing a soldier but I felt that I had immense gratefulness just for the servitude they were doing for me. I also included that they by far were the most courageous people I have ever hope to personally meet and to let them know that not everyone could do what they were doing. Also I explained to them my experience on 9/11, how I was in religion class learning about always keeping faith.
The irony for me was that on that day I felt America had lost a great deal of faith. I mentioned I had never met any active duty soldier for our Country but after that tragedy I prayed for them all each day to keep them safe and to be returned to their families. How the national anthem means more now than before and it has to also do with these young soldiers whose ages are like mine.
Lastly, I had the privilege of getting a letter back from one of the soldiers whom I never really expected and had a big surprise when I opened my mail. His name is Noah and he is originally from California. He thanked me, for taking my time and spending my money to share with strangers I had never met. He also talked about how he hoped to one day visit Florida. I was glad that he not only liked what he received but that he too took time to let me know.
I will always keep that letter and in the future send him more items he can enjoy.
Lastly, the project assigned by Dr.Soldani not only changed many soldiers’ lives but also those of us that chose to participate in this great and very rewarding activity.
This is the first project that not only I take pleasure in doing but I also feel like I actually made a difference in someone’s life.
I hope other teachers learn from Dr. Soldani’s thoughtful service assignment and do it as well because it truly is satisfying to give to those that are giving of their lives. I hope that everyone that also did this project feels a great sense of pride and feels that they too made a little difference in a soldier’s hectic life.
(LAUREN P)
On January 28, 2010 Dr.Soldani gave us an opportunity to do a service project that involved buying soldiers some very useful and practical items. This was a project I had never heard of but it really felt good to be able to be doing for someone that was doing way more for me, my country, and saving the peace for future Americans.
It was important to buy the soldiers necessary items that they would value. We had the choice of sending two boxes, one in the beginning and the other at end of the semester. We also had to write them a letter and mail it within the box showing them our gratitude and support.
This project was not only going to benefit and perhaps alleviate a group of soldiers’ lives for a while but it thankfully affected mine too.
First of all, we had to pick between sending to a hospital or Camp Alamo, which was where some of the soldiers were stationed. We then had to buy useful and necessary items we thought the soldiers would not only enjoy but also appreciate.
In my First box I decided to send the soldiers razors, Caramel cookies, cards, anti bacterial gel, deodorant, gum, bars or Irish Spring soap, socks and some mixed candies. I knew that they would appreciate more the bars of soap, socks, deodorant, and anti bacterial gel but they would definitely enjoy the rest. To me it really didn’t matter how much I was spending because it really couldn’t compare to what they were doing for me. I tried to accommodate all of the repeated items so that I could fit everything nicely that way they could enjoy more things.
In the second box, I got similar things but added boxes of Cracker Jacks and some packs of Twinkies. Both of my boxes were filled to the top but all I hoped for was that the soldiers would benefit from them emotionally and that their cravings for common snacks and comfort would be met.
The next part of our service project was adding a letter of gratefulness, a story of a vet in our family or that of one of one in our classes. I chose to write a letter thanking them for what they do each day not only because I have never met a soldier but I felt that they would be better honored if I expressed my immediate gratitude.
In my letter I mentioned not knowing a soldier but I felt that I had immense gratefulness just for the servitude they were doing for me. I also included that they by far were the most courageous people I have ever hope to personally meet and to let them know that not everyone could do what they were doing. Also I explained to them my experience on 9/11, how I was in religion class learning about always keeping faith.
The irony for me was that on that day I felt America had lost a great deal of faith. I mentioned I had never met any active duty soldier for our Country but after that tragedy I prayed for them all each day to keep them safe and to be returned to their families. How the national anthem means more now than before and it has to also do with these young soldiers whose ages are like mine.
Lastly, I had the privilege of getting a letter back from one of the soldiers whom I never really expected and had a big surprise when I opened my mail. His name is Noah and he is originally from California. He thanked me, for taking my time and spending my money to share with strangers I had never met. He also talked about how he hoped to one day visit Florida. I was glad that he not only liked what he received but that he too took time to let me know.
I will always keep that letter and in the future send him more items he can enjoy.
Lastly, the project assigned by Dr.Soldani not only changed many soldiers’ lives but also those of us that chose to participate in this great and very rewarding activity.
This is the first project that not only I take pleasure in doing but I also feel like I actually made a difference in someone’s life.
I hope other teachers learn from Dr. Soldani’s thoughtful service assignment and do it as well because it truly is satisfying to give to those that are giving of their lives. I hope that everyone that also did this project feels a great sense of pride and feels that they too made a little difference in a soldier’s hectic life.
(LAUREN P)
Service, from K*P
In Dr. Soldani’s class, you will do a service project. . One box goes to the VA Hospital, and the other goes to Afghanistan. It’s your choice to pick which one you would like to do. Either box goes to a former student of Dr Soldani’s.
This is a nice, thoughtful way to give back to our troops.
For the service project, I did both. I received 200$ and one letter grade. The box I sent to Matthew Reel in Afghanistan had a variety of things in it. I sent beef jerky, wipes, razors, shaving jell, tooth brushes, tooth paste, deodorant, noodles, and of course, pictures of me!
It actually felt really good sending a box to a troop. I felt very supportive, and thankful.
In the box, I also included a letter (which is sprayed with perfume).
My letter said: To my soldier. Matthew Reel, thank you so much for everything. You are truly my hero. There is no way I could ever thank you enough for everything you do for me, and our country. I am K P from Dr. Soldani’s class. I’ve heard a lot about you. As a part of my service grade I am sending you this box. I’m 19 years old and I’m the middle child out of 5 kids. I’m Greek, and have a big Greek family. I’m originally from Tampa, Fl. And I’m here in Tallahassee going to school. Where are you from? Do you have brothers and sisters as well? Do you play any sports. What are your hobbies? I have a cousin in Iraq right now serving as well. Every night when I pray for him, I will be thinking of you too. I hope you enjoy your care package with all the goodies I sent you. I also hope that you write me a letter back. I would love to hear from you. Like I said, I cannot thank you and everyone there enough for what you all do. You are amazing… (That’s all I can remember from memory).
Matthew Reel did receive my package and wrote me back. I was so happy in class when I got a letter back from him! I felt so good inside, Like I really did help someone. You will too I’m sure.
It was great to become Matthew Reels friend on face book because I got to see how appreciative he was about our boxes! He even posted pictures up.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet David Lowe who is in the VA hospital, but I sure hoped he enjoyed what I gave to him. Things such as checkers, chess, card games, chocolate, magazines, word searches, and hygiene products were put in his box. Although I didn’t get to be the one to deliver his presents, I heard about how happy he was and how much he enjoyed everything.
I also wrote David Lowe a letter. I didn’t save this letter onto my computer but I wrote briefly about myself. Also, I told David that if he ever needs anything else to write me back asking me for it. I told David about a family member I had in the hospital for 3 years. I told David to get well soon so we could have classes together at TCC.
It’s truly amazing how you can feel after doing your “homework”. This project made me realize what I had to be thankful for in life. I’m healthy, able to attend school, and happy.
I highly recommend the upcoming students to do both these projects.
It’s worth the feeling it gives you.
(K*P)
This is a nice, thoughtful way to give back to our troops.
For the service project, I did both. I received 200$ and one letter grade. The box I sent to Matthew Reel in Afghanistan had a variety of things in it. I sent beef jerky, wipes, razors, shaving jell, tooth brushes, tooth paste, deodorant, noodles, and of course, pictures of me!
It actually felt really good sending a box to a troop. I felt very supportive, and thankful.
In the box, I also included a letter (which is sprayed with perfume).
My letter said: To my soldier. Matthew Reel, thank you so much for everything. You are truly my hero. There is no way I could ever thank you enough for everything you do for me, and our country. I am K P from Dr. Soldani’s class. I’ve heard a lot about you. As a part of my service grade I am sending you this box. I’m 19 years old and I’m the middle child out of 5 kids. I’m Greek, and have a big Greek family. I’m originally from Tampa, Fl. And I’m here in Tallahassee going to school. Where are you from? Do you have brothers and sisters as well? Do you play any sports. What are your hobbies? I have a cousin in Iraq right now serving as well. Every night when I pray for him, I will be thinking of you too. I hope you enjoy your care package with all the goodies I sent you. I also hope that you write me a letter back. I would love to hear from you. Like I said, I cannot thank you and everyone there enough for what you all do. You are amazing… (That’s all I can remember from memory).
Matthew Reel did receive my package and wrote me back. I was so happy in class when I got a letter back from him! I felt so good inside, Like I really did help someone. You will too I’m sure.
It was great to become Matthew Reels friend on face book because I got to see how appreciative he was about our boxes! He even posted pictures up.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet David Lowe who is in the VA hospital, but I sure hoped he enjoyed what I gave to him. Things such as checkers, chess, card games, chocolate, magazines, word searches, and hygiene products were put in his box. Although I didn’t get to be the one to deliver his presents, I heard about how happy he was and how much he enjoyed everything.
I also wrote David Lowe a letter. I didn’t save this letter onto my computer but I wrote briefly about myself. Also, I told David that if he ever needs anything else to write me back asking me for it. I told David about a family member I had in the hospital for 3 years. I told David to get well soon so we could have classes together at TCC.
It’s truly amazing how you can feel after doing your “homework”. This project made me realize what I had to be thankful for in life. I’m healthy, able to attend school, and happy.
I highly recommend the upcoming students to do both these projects.
It’s worth the feeling it gives you.
(K*P)
Service Project & Letter (from Al*O)
During the course of this semester I chose to do the service project to the troops overseas in Afghanistan.
I also had extra items leftover from this project that could not fit into the box, and donated those extras to the vets in the hospital.
I felt sending a box of goodies to the soldiers serving in Afghanistan would really show my appreciation and thanks for all that they have done for our country. The box I sent contained soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, razors, shaving cream, gel, board games, deodorant, cross word puzzles, cards, dice, ramen noodles and a few other items.
Inside the box was also a written letter by me.
Although in the letter we were supposed to write a story about someone we knew in the military or who used to serve in the military I honestly didn’t know anyone.
In my letter, I wrote a story about my life and my first year up at school 8 hours away from my family (which of course doesn’t compare to being half way around the world away from my family). By opening up to a stranger, a hero and telling him about myself it made me feel much closer to him rather than if I told him a story about somebody else. I told him I’ve never had anyone or known anyone in the army and asked him if he could write me back telling me his story. I wished him well and thanked him for fighting for our freedom. I then sprayed my letter with my favorite perfume and placed a picture inside of the box of myself.
A week or so later I saw pictures on Facebook of the boxes my classmates and I had sent. I added Matthew Reel on Facebook and saw he had posted a bunch of new pictures from what we had sent him. Some of the students had gotten really creative with the project and took pictures with a sign that said, I love a man in uniform and had a bunch of girls at the bar hold them up and take a picture. As I was going through all of the pictures I noticed one where my picture I had sent was hanging on his wall by his bed.
To see my picture hanging up by his bed really was an honor to me.
It made me so happy and proud to know that I could give back to someone who has sacrificed so much for our country.
This project taught me how good it feels to give back to those who do so much and how good it feels to be able to brighten up their day.
(by Al*O)
I also had extra items leftover from this project that could not fit into the box, and donated those extras to the vets in the hospital.
I felt sending a box of goodies to the soldiers serving in Afghanistan would really show my appreciation and thanks for all that they have done for our country. The box I sent contained soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, razors, shaving cream, gel, board games, deodorant, cross word puzzles, cards, dice, ramen noodles and a few other items.
Inside the box was also a written letter by me.
Although in the letter we were supposed to write a story about someone we knew in the military or who used to serve in the military I honestly didn’t know anyone.
In my letter, I wrote a story about my life and my first year up at school 8 hours away from my family (which of course doesn’t compare to being half way around the world away from my family). By opening up to a stranger, a hero and telling him about myself it made me feel much closer to him rather than if I told him a story about somebody else. I told him I’ve never had anyone or known anyone in the army and asked him if he could write me back telling me his story. I wished him well and thanked him for fighting for our freedom. I then sprayed my letter with my favorite perfume and placed a picture inside of the box of myself.
A week or so later I saw pictures on Facebook of the boxes my classmates and I had sent. I added Matthew Reel on Facebook and saw he had posted a bunch of new pictures from what we had sent him. Some of the students had gotten really creative with the project and took pictures with a sign that said, I love a man in uniform and had a bunch of girls at the bar hold them up and take a picture. As I was going through all of the pictures I noticed one where my picture I had sent was hanging on his wall by his bed.
To see my picture hanging up by his bed really was an honor to me.
It made me so happy and proud to know that I could give back to someone who has sacrificed so much for our country.
This project taught me how good it feels to give back to those who do so much and how good it feels to be able to brighten up their day.
(by Al*O)
“How to “F” up in Dr. Soldani’s class” (by A*O)
” Well first things first, Dr. Soldani is one of the coolest teachers at TCC and as a cool professor; she doesn’t take attendance so you don’t even have to show up for class.
Those rare days where you do decide to attend, strolling in five, ten hey even fifteen minutes late is perfectly acceptable. She also hands out fake money for various reasons, but you shouldn’t really worry about spending it just hold onto all of it until the last day of class.
Now this may sound confusing, but at the beginning of every class Dr. Soldani puts up a list of “Google” terms and has the class write them down. But I’m onto her crazy antics and I figured out that she only does this just to keep the class busy the first few minutes of class. Therefore, it is not necessary to write them down because they’re not important anyways.
Although you may hear these terms throughout her babbling, pay no mind to them she really is just trying to mess with you. Dr. Soldani is not your typical professor, she lectures in stories and you don’t even have to pay attention to what she’s saying just stare at the PowerPoint the whole time and you’ll be fine.
As you’re gazing at the PowerPoint and completely tuning out her outrageous stories make sure to take notes in list form.
On her PowerPoint’s, Dr. Soldani loves to put up random, comedic, entertaining pictures to keep you interested and from falling asleep. These pictures are solely for entertainment purposes and possess no value to you other than a good laugh.
Now listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT spend your precious time studying for Dr. Soldani’s exams. This will only interrupt your time spent at the pool, at the club and on Facebook. Take it from me; ignore her online study guides and 20 minutes before the exam look over your list of notes and you’ll be golden.
Dr. Soldani loves to stress the fact that her exams are in “essay” form but take my advice, writing a sentence or two about whatever first comes to your mind will suffice. In fact, the more absurd and hilarious your answer is the better grade you’ll receive because we all know Dr. Soldani loves a good laugh! She loves the funny responses so much that she even posts them on Facebook to show off how humorous they are.
Speaking of Facebook, whatever you do, DO NOT add her or request to be her friend. I knew this one kid who dared to ask her to be his friend and not only did she deny him, she totally wrote him a message saying he was a creeper.
So don’t let history repeat itself and become one of those stalkers who lurks on their teachers Facebook pages. Now let’s go over what we learned here today, shall we? In order to majorly “F” up in Soldani’s class you must refer back to the following.
Never attend her class, she’s cool remember? When you do attend coming in late won’t burn a whole in your pocket so hey, go for it.
Do not waste your time writing down “Google” terms, ignore her stories completely, focus on the PowerPoint and make sure to laugh at the random pictures.
Do not spend your money, this isn’t a shopping spree it’s history class, so hold onto it.
Take notes in list form, you know, just like you were taught in middle school.
Make sure not to go out of your way to study for her exams, she’d never want you to miss out on a ladies night just to sit at home and study.
Ignore the “essay” format for her exams, writing a sentence or two will really get you far.
As for the exam answers, bonus points for making absolutely no sense and making Dr. Soldani laugh; more bonus points if you make it on her Facebook page.
Which you wouldn’t know if you did unless she tells you because last but not least, DO NOT be a creeper and add her on Facebook.
I think this pretty much covers it, good luck!
Those rare days where you do decide to attend, strolling in five, ten hey even fifteen minutes late is perfectly acceptable. She also hands out fake money for various reasons, but you shouldn’t really worry about spending it just hold onto all of it until the last day of class.
Now this may sound confusing, but at the beginning of every class Dr. Soldani puts up a list of “Google” terms and has the class write them down. But I’m onto her crazy antics and I figured out that she only does this just to keep the class busy the first few minutes of class. Therefore, it is not necessary to write them down because they’re not important anyways.
Although you may hear these terms throughout her babbling, pay no mind to them she really is just trying to mess with you. Dr. Soldani is not your typical professor, she lectures in stories and you don’t even have to pay attention to what she’s saying just stare at the PowerPoint the whole time and you’ll be fine.
As you’re gazing at the PowerPoint and completely tuning out her outrageous stories make sure to take notes in list form.
On her PowerPoint’s, Dr. Soldani loves to put up random, comedic, entertaining pictures to keep you interested and from falling asleep. These pictures are solely for entertainment purposes and possess no value to you other than a good laugh.
Now listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT spend your precious time studying for Dr. Soldani’s exams. This will only interrupt your time spent at the pool, at the club and on Facebook. Take it from me; ignore her online study guides and 20 minutes before the exam look over your list of notes and you’ll be golden.
Dr. Soldani loves to stress the fact that her exams are in “essay” form but take my advice, writing a sentence or two about whatever first comes to your mind will suffice. In fact, the more absurd and hilarious your answer is the better grade you’ll receive because we all know Dr. Soldani loves a good laugh! She loves the funny responses so much that she even posts them on Facebook to show off how humorous they are.
Speaking of Facebook, whatever you do, DO NOT add her or request to be her friend. I knew this one kid who dared to ask her to be his friend and not only did she deny him, she totally wrote him a message saying he was a creeper.
So don’t let history repeat itself and become one of those stalkers who lurks on their teachers Facebook pages. Now let’s go over what we learned here today, shall we? In order to majorly “F” up in Soldani’s class you must refer back to the following.
Never attend her class, she’s cool remember? When you do attend coming in late won’t burn a whole in your pocket so hey, go for it.
Do not waste your time writing down “Google” terms, ignore her stories completely, focus on the PowerPoint and make sure to laugh at the random pictures.
Do not spend your money, this isn’t a shopping spree it’s history class, so hold onto it.
Take notes in list form, you know, just like you were taught in middle school.
Make sure not to go out of your way to study for her exams, she’d never want you to miss out on a ladies night just to sit at home and study.
Ignore the “essay” format for her exams, writing a sentence or two will really get you far.
As for the exam answers, bonus points for making absolutely no sense and making Dr. Soldani laugh; more bonus points if you make it on her Facebook page.
Which you wouldn’t know if you did unless she tells you because last but not least, DO NOT be a creeper and add her on Facebook.
I think this pretty much covers it, good luck!
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